I know I need to start posting more on here, but honestly, I’ve been torn between sharing everything and holding some things back. It’s been so beautiful here that part of me wants to shout about everything I’m doing. I’m so proud of myself and everything I’ve achieved. But, as much as I want to be open, it’s hard to figure out how to word it all without feeling self-conscious. This page was meant to be raw and real, to show what’s really going on behind the Instagram highlights, but outing myself so much feels intimidating.
Recently, I went to a new moon healing sound bath to release old energy and set intentions for the month ahead. My main focus? To be more present. I’ve realized that in trying to capture everything for photos and content, I’m not fully experiencing the moments themselves. Pictures just don’t do justice to what I’ve been seeing and feeling. Two weeks here have flown by, and while I’ve seen some incredible things, I need to be more mindful and soak it all in. If I’m here for a year, I don’t want to look back and feel like I experienced it all through a phone screen.
Another intention I set was to let go of self-doubt and quiet my inner critic. It’s something I’ve been working on for almost three years, but it always felt impossible because of the environment I was in. Now that I’m here, I’ve noticed how little people seem to care about what others think. Everyone dresses so casually (still adjusting to that because I love fashion and shopping 🫥). The vibe here is so freeing—just the other day, I saw a man DJing on the beach, dancing so hard he created little foot potholes. Another guy in fluorescent green hot pants was playing squash against a wall in roller skates, using his head as a racket. People were vlogging, running, walking—just living their lives with zero judgment.
It’s so different from where I grew up in Torquay, where people weren’t as accepting, and everyone knew everyone. There was always that voice in my head telling me people would make fun of me, but I know now that was just my loud, nasty inner critic.
During the sound bath meditation, a woman came around to offer contact Reiki, and she told me she could feel that I still have a big hurdle to overcome. I think she was right—I believe my hurdle is learning to be alone without feeling lonely. Moving into my new little room here is my first step in facing that challenge head-on.
So, here’s to embracing the messiness, the self-doubt, and the beautiful chaos of the past two weeks. Once again, a huge thanks to Ryan and Rachel for being my anchors during this transition. Their support has helped me find my feet and grow in confidence here in Vancouver. 🫶🏻🦋
Looking back at where I was in July/August 2022, I couldn’t have felt lower. I was just surviving, taking life minute by minute, because I didn’t see a future for myself. Now, I’m miles above where I used to be—beyond my old self, old relationships, and old life. I never thought I’d be able to say that, but here I am, living it.
Funny how life works, isn’t it?
P.S. I’m not quite homesick yet, but definitely feeling the distance. ☹️
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