There’s been a little 360 since my last post, and honestly, it’s so welcomed. I’m in such a different headspace from where I was two weeks ago—it’s like I’ve finally started to reap the rewards of stepping out of my comfort zone so often that I don’t even remember what it feels like anymore.
For one, there have been no sad tears all week, which is huge for me 🥹. I’ve also finally got the ball rolling with work. I applied for a hostess job at a craft beer and smokehouse right by the hockey/football/gig arena, had the interview, and was offered the job that evening! Then the next day, I had a second interview at a different place, and it lasted all of five minutes—I got offered an even better position than the one I applied for. So, yeah, confidence booster! But of course, you can’t win with me—I went from feeling down about having no job to being overwhelmed because I actually had to make a decision!
In the end, I chose the hostess role. It’s more laid-back, and honestly, I feel like I’ll be able to be myself more. The other job was bar work at a fancy fine dining restaurant, which I could definitely do, but it didn’t feel like the right vibe. Plus, I think the customers at the smokehouse will be more fun and easy-going. My first day is this week, and weirdly, I’m not even that nervous. We’ll see how it goes!
Part of the reason I’m feeling better is that I’ve finally started to take care of my health again. After my low week, I had a word with myself, and now I’m rattling with vitamins and supplements. The exercise is definitely helping, too. I ran my first ever 10k! I went from running 5k (twice, ever, without stopping) to doubling it—no in-between 🥵. Going to the gym has been a game-changer too. Within two seconds of starting my workout, my mood shifts. I just need to keep it up, although I’ve realized I hate training legs. Really cba with it lol can someone else do that for me?
Not sure how many “hot girl walks” I’ll be going on, because the rain here is NO JOKE. People warned me about “Raincouver,” but this is next-level—it’s been pissing down for 72 hours straight. With no car and public transport a 15-minute walk away, I’ve gotten really good at preparing for every season on a day out. I even had to buy a new backpack because my old one made me feel like I was back in Year 7, with half my life strapped to my back. I literally carry the world and its mate on my back, that’s not changed, preparing any weather eventuality, will i need my book, my iPad, my journal, camera, umbrella, the list goes on. Just with my backpack now for a woman, not a 12 year old.
Ive had some fun experiences this week. I went to my first full moon women’s circle, and it was incredible! I was so nervous beforehand—no idea what to expect, or if I’d feel out of place—but I’m so happy I went. I met the most amazing, like-minded, supportive women, we all went into some personal experiences and helped each other the best way we could, and it left me feeling lighter and so inspired. That definitely helped shift my mood.
I also celebrated my first Thanksgiving! It was such a cute and wholesome day with Rachel’s family, and her lovely mum sent me home with three dinners, which I’m very grateful for since rent feels like $700,000,000 (slight exaggeration) for my haunted house room, lol. Had a nice day spending time with family, eating good food, experiencing a turkey dinner without roast potatoes(!!!), eating my first ever pumpkin pie - banging btw, their little hilarious dog Pretzel and watching her and Rigatoni fight every time Riggie’s tail whipped her in the eye and she lost her shit.
Oh, and remember the onion saga? The onion-loving housemates seem to have either moved out or stopped cooking them at 8 a.m. (thank god). But now, we’ve got a washing machine and tumble dryer hogger. The joys of housemates 🙃. I’ve tried to suss out whether they’re potential new friends, but honestly, It’s a hard no. I’m sticking to the friends I’ve already made, who I’m still getting on with really well. We had a pumpkin painting evening this week! My pumpkin was rated the best 😏. They all work Monday to Friday though, and with my new hospitality job, I don’t know how much I’ll see them which is a shame but hopefully, I’ll meet some cool new people along the way.
When I first got here, I was quite excited to see all the new animals and wildlife, though I wasn’t exactly buzzing about skunks. I had no idea how common it is to see them casually strolling around the city! My first skunk encounter happened while I was walking along, staring at my phone, when someone shouted for me to watch out. I looked up and saw the bushy black-and-white tail, so I quickly ran around it. Later, I found out that skunks can spray up to 10 feet, and you’re not supposed to rush or run near them—lesson learned! Luckily, I didn’t get sprayed, or I probably would never show my face again
Speaking of, I knew that everyone called weed back home ‘skunk’ but I never really appreciated how similar they smelt, I found out that I have been smelling skunk (the animal) EVERYWHERE! I have just been thinking it was some honking mouldy smelling weed seem as it is legal here, but turns out it was actual skunk spray. Now I know it’s that, it smells worse to me. I definitely thought skunk spray would be more farty smelling than it is, so silver linings i guess. Still wouldn’t want it anywhere near me.
Back to my original point—no sad tears this week, but I’ve definitely had happy ones. I’m reading and following The Magic, which is all about gratitude, and one of the practices was to reflect on the amazing people in my life. It made me so teary because I feel so lucky to have had, and still have, such incredible people around me.
I’ve also had happy tears because I feel so proud of myself! A previous version of me would’ve been too scared to wait for a bus alone, let alone go out for a solo day. But today I took myself on a solo date to an art gallery, then treated myself to a fancy three-course Italian lunch, bought some paints and canvas on the way home because I felt inspired, classic ADHD me, and thoroughly enjoyed the day! I felt like the main character, I wasn’t anxious or uncomfortable, which is a big shift from a month ago when I sat in a food hall with a juice and felt so vulnerable. The growth is quickkkkkk!
I’m realizing now that the person who deserves the most love from me is me. I’ve spent so long feeling like I’m not good enough, but I’m finally shedding that. I’m starting to see my own value and realizing I don’t need to dim my light or personality in fear of judgment. The only person who needs to take me seriously and opinion actually counts is me. I’m learning to treat myself how I deserve to be treated.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to find a soulmate and life partner to share this journey with, and that’ll come when the time is right. But for now, this time is for me—to do what I want, when I want, because I’m finally brave enough to do it.
I’m really missing everyone back home now. FaceTime is great, but the time difference is frustrating. I’m not sure if I’ll make it another eight months not seeing anyone until I plan to pop home for a wedding, but we shall see!
Some random behind the scenes pics related to this post(ish), follow me on Insta @btscally
Thanks for reading oxoxoxo
Comments