I can’t help but feel like my time in Canada might be coming to an end. Lately, I’ve been feeling very lonely, and while I’m trying to embrace being alone without feeling lonely, it’s proving to be harder than I thought. I want to share experiences with others. I know I can do things alone, but I don’t want to.
When I first came here, I thought it would be different. I hoped meeting people would come naturally, but even with the connections I’ve made, it feels like something is missing. I’ve tried putting myself out there, even signing up for dating apps, but they feel so shallow—judging someone based on a few pictures. For me to find someone attractive, it’s not about just one photo; there are so many factors involved.
I’ve made some amazing friends here, and I’m grateful for them, but most of them already have partners or close-knit groups. They have their “base,” their foundation. Meanwhile, I find myself spending long days waiting to start work at 4 p.m., often feeling isolated. Not knowing when I’m working in advance to be able to make plans, not loving work but not sure if I am able to muster the energy to ruthlessly job search again. And when I’m feeling this way, it’s hard to muster the energy to arrange plans or put myself out there, which only makes the cycle worse.
I can’t shake the thought that if I had someone to share my experiences with, I’d feel differently. I’d probably be loving my time here. But as it stands, I feel a little stuck. My routine feels stale—mostly because there isn’t much of a routine to begin with—and I’m craving some kind of change. I feel like now I’m left wondering: is it time to move on.
That’s the thing, though—I’m not sure what the answer is. Going home feels like a step backward. It’s familiar, yes, but I wasn’t exactly happy or fulfilled there, either. On the other hand, moving somewhere new might just land me in the same place I am now after the initial novelty wears off.
I hope this feeling passes soon. I want to start making the most of my time here again, but right now, it’s hard to ignore how drained and uninspired I feel. It’s giving me a lot to think about—especially when it comes to whether I want to keep paying rent just to feel this way.
Not the cheeriest post, I know, but this is my reality at the moment.
This can be expected as being away will always be hard but once you break through this you will look back and see how stronger you have become and it will make you a better person. Keep going and keep the blogs going to. We are following you.Steve & Pru