I’m currently sitting in a local shopping centre, sipping on a juice, having ventured out on my own to pick up a few essentials and get a feel for doing things solo. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind since I arrived, and I didn’t even get a chance to post what I wrote back at Heathrow—soz! I was waiting at my gate with a glass of wine, feeling totally overwhelmed, thinking, How the hell did I get here? My emotions were, and still are, all over the place, but now that the initial scariness has passed, I feel much lighter.
That said, a lingering sense of dread still hangs over me. I need to find work and a place to live, and wow, everything is so expensive here. The reality has set in that a part-time job won’t cut it, but that’s okay. I’ll make it work, and I know I’ll enjoy the time off whenever I can get it, no matter what I end up doing.
It’s a mix of feelings: guilt for the sadness my choices have caused some people, relief that I’m finally doing something I’ve needed to do for so long, and the challenge of trying to stay present and soak in these moments. At the same time, I want to capture everything—photos, videos, memories that I’ll cherish forever.
As I’m typing this, I can’t help but feel self-conscious, wondering if anyone’s glancing over my shoulder or what people will think when I finally post this. I’m also pushing through insecurities about doing things alone—walking, biking, eating out by myself. But you know what? I’m starting to think this is the perfect place for me to grow. Everyone here seems to embrace doing what they love without judgment, and so far, everyone I’ve met has been friendly and welcoming.
For those who know me well, you know I’m an oversharer. Keeping my cards close to my chest has never been my style (as many of you witnessed during my many meltdowns leading up to this). So, I’m embracing that part of me and opening up to you all with the realness of this experience.
The journey is just beginning, and though it’s been overwhelming, I’m pushing through and thriving in ways I didn’t expect.
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